Ever see that Sick Kids' commercial? The one where they sing "Lean On Me"? It made me weepy which means I don't like it. Must be getting close to PMS time, PPMS. (Pineapple. Pineapple right now!) Have you all started charting me yet? I find things sometimes get really interesting in a cyclic manner. I'm gonna see where this goes, take the journey with me won'tcha...
Last week Jem (He's truly, truly, truly outrageous!) and I went down to PharmaPlus for some Hallowe'en stuff. Upon our return, another co-worker asked us the question typical of nosy grown ups with a lack of imagination for which there's never a good answer.
Co-worker: What'd you get me??
Stinky T: ....Tampons.
Jem: Wooooo! They could be super!
Co-w: I don't want those! I thought you'd tell me you got something good, like chocolates and chips!
Stinky T: ....Chocolate tampons?
Uproarious laughter ensued. Too much information? Just trying it on.
Ooh, on the way home from the GO station today, my ride and super cool neighbour stopped at the gas station to put a few splashes in his tank. I smelled Timmy's and almost started drooling. It took quite a bit of inner and physical strength to not bolt from the car and latch myself onto the teats of their french vanilla capp machine. See? Hormones, it drives you to lust for crazy things and at the most inopportune times. Why didn't I just get off my ass and go get one you ask? I can't answer that, but only because at the moment my mind said it would be incredibly wrong to do so. I bet you're beginning to see how pointless it is to try and figure out the female psyche, sense we no makey. I plead insanity, all the while cackling and pointing at the third toe on your left foot.
On the weekend while running errands I needed a french vanilla capp and two honey crullers. Mr. Stinky and his brother Jeep looked at me in disbelief and probably some disgust when I insisted that I absolutely needed two. They asked with some trepidation if maybe I was planning on saving the second for later and technically they weren't wrong coz only one fits in my mouth at any one time. If I was the crullersaurus then those suckers didn't stand a chance, they disappeared in an extremely ugly fashion leaving me to brush the sugar off my crazy lipstick-smudged face. What?
We should probably stop right now before I do some irreparable damage. I mean, it's no stretch of the imagination to say that you've been told more than you want to know and you either feel the need to sit in purgatory for weeks on end after reading what I write or go straight to the do-it-yourself route and scrub yourself raw with soap. Hey, remember in A Christmas Story when Ralphie had his mouth washed out with soap because he got caught swearing? After watching that movie I went home and licked some soap just to see what it tasted like. Don't do it.
One more thing. This, which I totally hyped up but you've most likely forgotten by now will come soon. For better or for worse I promise I'll spill and rock your world.
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1 comment:
This is exactly why I don't try to figure out what the female gender thinks. Sometimes I make the mistake and ask 'What were you thinking?' but when they start explaining in a similar fashion to this post, I realize my error.
And just for the record, I quite enjoyed eating soap as a kid (which likely explains many things now).
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