I Could Be An Elephant

If you believe people at my work, I've been pregnant numerous times. Rumours were started, some by my friends, that I got knocked up and had to have a shotgun wedding. I've been married in excess of three years now. There are instances where more than 9 months have passed and the rumour persists that I'm still pregnant. Now I know the record for mammalian gestation periods belongs to the elephant at 22 months. I may have broken that record... many times over. I never show, or deliver for that matter so you would think after the first few "psych outs" people would let the issue die until I actually come out and say "I'm peppermint (courtesy: Bobby's World)."

I've had co-workers ask me questions varying in degrees of vague, "You look like you're glowing!" (which, at the time I happily agreed because I thought she was talking about my naturally radiant skin), beating around the bush, "I notice you snack a lot and make lots of bathroom trips", to downright rude. I take a sick day once in awhile when I need it. Upon my return I always get asked "Did you have morning sickness?? Are you pregnant?!?"

Not only do I find that last bit extremely rude and offputting, but it's curious that these people are more obsessed with me being pregnant than my parents... let me rephrase. My mom. Like all moms she's excited about future grandchildren and will ask me from time to time about when I'm going to start. I love teasing her, sometimes I can't stop laughing when she talks about it. Other times I feel like saying something crass like, "We're practicing like bunnies right now. We should be in tip top shape when we're ready to breed like bunnies."

There are several ladies here my age who are newly married too. I actively encourage and conspire to plant the seeds (keeee!) in everyone else's minds about certain states of spermination regarding my friends. I like to spread the fun around and hey, if we're all pregnant at the same time, how fun indeed!

A friend of mine recently purchased some books on the topic of "new mommies" for someone she knows who is actually for real pregnant. It's not even about being pregnant, it's about what to expect after delivery. I've decided to skip that whole messy 9 months and go straight to parenting and borrowed the book. I have now purposely placed it at the corner of my desk in the aim of spreading new rumours... just for kicks. Watch, it won't take long at all.