Bloat

"But I have days when I feel great and then I have days when my ass won't fit in my jeans and I won't leave the house." -Kate Beckinsale

I'm having a fat and ugly day. I put on a pair of pants this morning and not only did I have to do the big suck-it-in thing (like I used to watch my mom do... !!!), when I finally forced the zipper and buttons closed I had a perma wedgie... front and back.

I remember when I was younger and finding it amusing that women had to decompress their midriffs, suffocate their internal organs and lose the ability to breathe just to put on a pair of pants. I guess it's being a slave to fashion that we want to fit into nice looking clothes. I also remember thinking to myself, "I'll never do that when I grow up. I'll stay trim and make sure I can zip up easily." I guess gravity and age are teaching me a few life lessons about the ever-changing body I had hoped I wouldn't need to learn.

I'm learning that vanity has a life-force all its own and it barely fits into a woman's ego. There will always be someone much more attractive, smarter, confident, with longer legs, bigger boobs, smaller waist, tighter butt, more curves, less curves and beauty queen-like qualities when compared to you. There will always be people you stand next to that make you feel like pigeon poo from yesterday's feast of cockroaches and grubs. I understand now why we try and jam our jiggles into pants that don't quite fit anymore, style our hair all pretty and slap on the spackle like nobody's business to smooth the wrinkles and look air-brushed beautiful. We want to feel attractive and turn heads and maybe even lusted after. Maybe if we think hard enough, we can convince ourselves and the world that we're as hot as *her*. As superficial as it is, who doesn't walk out the door without first a quick glance in the mirror?

Needless to say I had to change. I didn't think I could suffer through a whole day of squatting, stretching and wriggling around while yanking out the fabric melded into my crotch feeling like I was wearing something from the Jr. Miss store. It didn't make me feel better that I fit the second pair of pants, more like defeated. Being a smaller person you may think I'm crazy to even think this, but hey, sometimes I feel fat, ugly and unwanted too.