Naturally Woosh

I took Bug-bug downtown yesterday to visit people, friends, work, grandma and mommy's shopping haunts.  It turned out to be a fairly good trip as it was warm and sunny out and I got to do pretty much everything I wanted to do.  The baby wasn't too fussy, she acted up a little when she wanted to get out of the stroller... I don't blame her.  As comfortable as the thing is, I'd want to get up and work the blood back into my numb butt cheeks once in awhile too.  Nobody likes being strapped in for very long... like my friend Goose.  He tells of weird stories that don't make a whole lotta sense to me, something about pleather and spiky stuff but I don't ask for details and usually plug my ears when he starts coz I think maybe he's an odd little fellow and will stop talking if I don't listen.  Hey, what he does at those business "conventions"... 

Anyway, remember my stalker?  We've dubbed her Crazy Lady.  I haven't been bothered by her in a long time, mostly because everytime I saw her I'd look and walk the other way quickly.  I thought she had gotten the message that I didn't want to be her friend, or associate with her in any way.  I guess I was wrong.

Now that I travel with a stroller I have to use elevators.  They are such a pain in the neck because they take so long and then there are line ups and sometimes you've got stroller and walker bumper wars and now wherever I go I need to find out where they're located.  At my local mall, I've never had to know where these contraptions are which means that the first few times Oscar and I went shopping with the babies we milled around aimlessly until we hit jackpot.

My office is situated on the second floor of a high rise.  Good for fires and emergencies, I can still jump out the window if need be but at the same time high enough so that we've got a bird's eye view of the streets below.  I was on my way down to meet Stinky Grandma for lunch and good golly miss molly if I didn't get on the same elevator as the Crazy Lady.  My mind said "SHIT!" before I even registered it but luckily it was cool enough to keep that inside my head.

She immediately lit up like a kid on Christmas morning and greeted me like we were the bestest of best friends.  I started wheeling the stroller around so that I'd have my back turned to her for the purpose of a) physically telling her that I'm not interested and b) shielding my firstborn from this nutjob of a woman.  It didn't work.

Now there were a few other people in the elevator with us and they probably got the message I was projecting to her as I was not at all being subtle but she pushed them out of the way as I spun the stroller so that she could see (steal) and touch (eat) my kid.

C.L.:  HIIIII!!

Stinky T: (Tight smile) Hi.  

C.L:  IT'S BEEN SO LOOONG SINCE I SAW YOUU!!

Stinky T:  (Tight smile) Yah.

C.L.  THIS IS YOUR BABYY??

Stinky T: (Tight smile) Hm.  (No, she's a rental.  I like to do crazy stuff like take a baby that's not mine around town just for fun sometimes.)

C.L. SHE'S SO CUUUTE!!  (Touching and poking at my rental baby.)

Stinky T: (No more smiles) Thanks.

Ding!  We've landed.  Open up the damned doors.

C.L. DID YOU GO NATURAL? (As she says natural she uses her hand to mimic the down and up motion of a water slide.)

WTF?!?  What kind of question is that?

Stinky T: Excuse me??

C.L. DID YOU GO NATURAL?? (Once again, with the wooshing water slide motion.)

Stinky T: Um. NO.

At that, the doors were fully opened.  Well, opened enough for my stroller to get through so I took off.  Behind me I could hear more talking but I wasn't sticking around any longer.  I felt offended and caught off guard by how inappropriately nosy she was.  Who asks such personal questions like that to someone they don't even know?  What happened to "How old is she?", "How much does she weigh?", "Does she like to go for walks?"... normal questions.  And what's with the hand woosh?  What the hell is that??  I guess I could have explained that no, baby didn't go woosh but instead got yanked out of my uterus and show her by sticking a hand out of my shirt a la Aliens (except lower) if we knew each other and were joking around but I had given her enough of my time.  I don't know if she got the message that she needs to leave me alone but I've decided on my course of action should we meet again.  You can probably guess how far I will steer clear from C.L.  This lady can be amusing in a really creepy sort of way but I'd rather laugh at her from a distance.  And she can go woosh herself.