It's funny how my attitude changes throughout the month. Sometimes I'm totally cool about something but a few days later just thinking about it makes me furious. Let me explain in the comfort of my anonymity.
Let's say there's a person in my life called X who loves cherries. Obsessed with cherries. X talks about nothing but cherries, buys them all the time, stuffs face with them and afterwards, tells me about every single one. Said X will tell me in detail all the kinds of cherries out there: colour, size, sweetness, nutrition value, price per pound, crazy things they tell X to do, etc. So the point is: CHERRIES RULE.
I don't mean to pick on cherries, it was just the first thing I thought of. I had to think of something I'm not really impartial to, and I'm not a fan of cherries (except Don). But for the sake of ambiguity I'm projecting my relationship with this meaningless fruit into a metaphor for something totally unrelated.
So. Some days when the conversation is all about cherries I sit there trying to stay interested and open. It's not X's fault I'm not a fan of cherries, so if it's what X likes shouldn't I as a friend (or available ear) in return partake in the cherry talk? While X is nattering on about cherries I may actually think "maybe cherries aren't so bad, I should give cherries a chance".
A few days later I might think how horrible it is that X has such an obsession with the damn fruit. Why? Why? Why? I hate cherries, stop talking about cherries, why does it have to be cherries all the time??!? I don't care how much they cost or when they're in season. Aaagghh!! I also have these stupid conversations in my head that make me more and more angry with X even though it's all imagined. But I'm angry because I know what I'm thinking could totally be reality when it comes to X.
Then maybe I know I'll be seeing X and dreading it because of my totally unprovoked anger. There's really no logic to it, but as I am a person who doesn't believe in the "I choose not to be angry, rather I will accept." crap, (come on, if it pisses you off, it pisses you off. Let it run its course instead of repressing and pretending it doesn't bother you. Otherwise you'll brood and think about it forever and isn't that worse in the long run?) I let myself be angry.
But then maybe by the time I see X my irrational anger will have dissipated and I'll look back and think "geez (self), who pissed in your oatmeal? So X loves cherries, who cares? X is still a nice person." Such is the life of the ever changing hormone(/anger) cycle I suppose.
December 29, 2005
December 23, 2005
December 22, 2005
Do You Have a Will?
Not to be a downer for the festive season, but we're currently having ours drawn up. It recently hit home for us that a will is not something you make when you're old. Anyone can have it done at any age, but it becomes that much more important when you get married or live common-law.
The purpose of a will is to make sure all of your assets, no matter how modest or large, are given to who you want after your death. It is also to take care of your family so that in this time of loss they aren't also wondering what will happen to them afterwards. You can also designate the power of attorney to a specific person in the event that you need him/her to make a decision for you. For example, say you get in a car accident and fall into a coma, what will you do then?
If your spouse or common-law partner and the rest of your family don't get along, imagine the nightmare when they fight for your estate. If you both die in an accident, have you made provisions for your children? Who will raise them? Where will they live? They may be shuffled off to relatives you love, but may not be your preferred choice to care for your children.
In conclusion, a will is for your peace of mind. It settles any questions about who inherits what and leaves your family with a firm understanding as to their futures without you. Don't think because you're young you don't need one. We all know that shit happens and if you think you can make a will on your deathbed, you're in for a surprise. If the courts find you signed a will while not in a clear state of mind (being under the influence of drugs to ease the pain), your will can be deemed invalid and revoked.
Do your wills, boys and girls. Then rest easy and enjoy Christmas knowing that the ones you love will be taken care of.
The purpose of a will is to make sure all of your assets, no matter how modest or large, are given to who you want after your death. It is also to take care of your family so that in this time of loss they aren't also wondering what will happen to them afterwards. You can also designate the power of attorney to a specific person in the event that you need him/her to make a decision for you. For example, say you get in a car accident and fall into a coma, what will you do then?
If your spouse or common-law partner and the rest of your family don't get along, imagine the nightmare when they fight for your estate. If you both die in an accident, have you made provisions for your children? Who will raise them? Where will they live? They may be shuffled off to relatives you love, but may not be your preferred choice to care for your children.
In conclusion, a will is for your peace of mind. It settles any questions about who inherits what and leaves your family with a firm understanding as to their futures without you. Don't think because you're young you don't need one. We all know that shit happens and if you think you can make a will on your deathbed, you're in for a surprise. If the courts find you signed a will while not in a clear state of mind (being under the influence of drugs to ease the pain), your will can be deemed invalid and revoked.
Do your wills, boys and girls. Then rest easy and enjoy Christmas knowing that the ones you love will be taken care of.
December 16, 2005
The Beauty of Fur
I don't really have a stance on fur. I've seen the bloody pictures, heard the stories and watched the videos and as inhumane it can be, I'm not too preoccupied with the topic right now. I think in a world full of hardships and pain, to get worked up about every single injustice would drive me nuts.
So why are we discussing? This morning when I got on the train there was an empty seat next to a woman wearing a poofy, full length fur coat. It looked like wolf, that long white-off-white-grey kind of fur. I could be wrong as to animal, although that's not really important anymore now that it's dead. I sat down coz, whatever. It's a seat. Besides, it's not my business that she likes and can afford it.
Then I smelled it. It wasn't strong or overpowering, I can't really describe it. It somehow smelled like dead animal but not in the rotting, baking in the sun kind of odour. Maybe a little of the wet dog with the never had a bubble bath because I used to be a wild animal kind of frangrance. The smell was faint so maybe nobody else sensed it but it got me thinking, "Would I want to smell like that? Can she smell herself?"
I examined her coat when she got up to get off the train and walked behind her for awhile. The more I looked, the less attractive it seemed. As annoying as I find PETA to be most of the time, I do agree with them that wearing the skin of a dead animal is pretty disgusting. Would you want to wear the skin off of a hairy dead guy? Even if it came straight from Italy? I guess it's a status thing, like cars. But then I find those "rich people" cars laughable too, like the Mercedes-Benzs with hub caps. Zing!
So why are we discussing? This morning when I got on the train there was an empty seat next to a woman wearing a poofy, full length fur coat. It looked like wolf, that long white-off-white-grey kind of fur. I could be wrong as to animal, although that's not really important anymore now that it's dead. I sat down coz, whatever. It's a seat. Besides, it's not my business that she likes and can afford it.
Then I smelled it. It wasn't strong or overpowering, I can't really describe it. It somehow smelled like dead animal but not in the rotting, baking in the sun kind of odour. Maybe a little of the wet dog with the never had a bubble bath because I used to be a wild animal kind of frangrance. The smell was faint so maybe nobody else sensed it but it got me thinking, "Would I want to smell like that? Can she smell herself?"
I examined her coat when she got up to get off the train and walked behind her for awhile. The more I looked, the less attractive it seemed. As annoying as I find PETA to be most of the time, I do agree with them that wearing the skin of a dead animal is pretty disgusting. Would you want to wear the skin off of a hairy dead guy? Even if it came straight from Italy? I guess it's a status thing, like cars. But then I find those "rich people" cars laughable too, like the Mercedes-Benzs with hub caps. Zing!
December 15, 2005
Get Yer Fingers Outta There!
Yesterday as I was on my bus going home, a relatively attractive girl got on at one of the stops. I'd say she was in the 16-21 range, and I don't mind saying I checked her out a few times.
She sat across from me, but a few seats over so we weren't directly looking at each other. A few minutes after she sat down she took off one of her runners, propped her socked foot on her other knee and reached for it with her hand. At first I didn't pay too much attention coz she might've been readjusting her sock or something. We all do it. Then I saw that she was digging in between her toes quite vigorously. Ew! It wasn't a quick dig for a scratch or anything, she was going around her toes, between her toes and under her toes. Yuuuck... Then she repeated this digging with her other foot.
Through this entire exercise I couldn't help but stare. She didn't think anything of it, just looking out the window, not even being discrete. I don't even remember what expression I
had on my face: poker or -->
The worst part was that I could smell her feet from across the bus while she was scrubbing away. That hot, musty, thick feet smell was just wafting all around us. It was nasty and I'm just glad I wasn't feeling queasy at that moment. Perhaps I was just too focussed on her to feel anything else. Then I was thinking of how her fingers must be all stinkified and germy and maybe she'll have fish sticks and fries for dinner and it'll all get licked off along with the ketchup.....
Sometimes my imagination just goes nuts.
She sat across from me, but a few seats over so we weren't directly looking at each other. A few minutes after she sat down she took off one of her runners, propped her socked foot on her other knee and reached for it with her hand. At first I didn't pay too much attention coz she might've been readjusting her sock or something. We all do it. Then I saw that she was digging in between her toes quite vigorously. Ew! It wasn't a quick dig for a scratch or anything, she was going around her toes, between her toes and under her toes. Yuuuck... Then she repeated this digging with her other foot.
Through this entire exercise I couldn't help but stare. She didn't think anything of it, just looking out the window, not even being discrete. I don't even remember what expression I
had on my face: poker or -->The worst part was that I could smell her feet from across the bus while she was scrubbing away. That hot, musty, thick feet smell was just wafting all around us. It was nasty and I'm just glad I wasn't feeling queasy at that moment. Perhaps I was just too focussed on her to feel anything else. Then I was thinking of how her fingers must be all stinkified and germy and maybe she'll have fish sticks and fries for dinner and it'll all get licked off along with the ketchup.....
Sometimes my imagination just goes nuts.
December 14, 2005
In This Pregnancy Vein...
I'm not. I'm so very not. At all. So don't even think it.
Lately, I would say the last two months or so I've been feeling a little barfy. Mostly they've been espisodes that occur between the hours of 2pm to 6pm. On and off... I'll be OK one minute and the next I'll feel all nauseated. Then I have to put my head between my legs or turn off my monitor for a few minutes until I feel better. Little waves of nausea, but they're minor. It's never been so bad that I've had to head for the nearest washroom.
Yesterday a friend was hanging out in our office and I told him I was feeling barfy. But then I was also feeling hungry so I ate. He watched me eat (he scoooted his chair back a bit too) a tangerine and some Black Pepper Jack (mmmm......) doritos, all the while I'm feeling queasy. I am so weird. I don't know why I'm getting these little moments of sickness... and only during those few afternoon hours.
I do feel ick when people wearing strong colognes and perfumes come into our office. If it's too strong, they linger too long or I don't get out for fresh air I will get a headache, elevated heart rate, sweaty and clammy skin, nausea and my hands will shake. I even have a note from my doctor describing my chemical sensitivity to strong odours. But that's neither here nor there with my 2-6pm mystery episodes. Where's that Nancy Drew when you need her?
Lately, I would say the last two months or so I've been feeling a little barfy. Mostly they've been espisodes that occur between the hours of 2pm to 6pm. On and off... I'll be OK one minute and the next I'll feel all nauseated. Then I have to put my head between my legs or turn off my monitor for a few minutes until I feel better. Little waves of nausea, but they're minor. It's never been so bad that I've had to head for the nearest washroom.
Yesterday a friend was hanging out in our office and I told him I was feeling barfy. But then I was also feeling hungry so I ate. He watched me eat (he scoooted his chair back a bit too) a tangerine and some Black Pepper Jack (mmmm......) doritos, all the while I'm feeling queasy. I am so weird. I don't know why I'm getting these little moments of sickness... and only during those few afternoon hours.
I do feel ick when people wearing strong colognes and perfumes come into our office. If it's too strong, they linger too long or I don't get out for fresh air I will get a headache, elevated heart rate, sweaty and clammy skin, nausea and my hands will shake. I even have a note from my doctor describing my chemical sensitivity to strong odours. But that's neither here nor there with my 2-6pm mystery episodes. Where's that Nancy Drew when you need her?
December 09, 2005
I Could Be An Elephant
If you believe people at my work, I've been pregnant numerous times. Rumours were started, some by my friends, that I got knocked up and had to have a shotgun wedding. I've been married in excess of three years now. There are instances where more than 9 months have passed and the rumour persists that I'm still pregnant. Now I know the record for mammalian gestation periods belongs to the elephant at 22 months. I may have broken that record... many times over. I never show, or deliver for that matter so you would think after the first few "psych outs" people would let the issue die until I actually come out and say "I'm peppermint (courtesy: Bobby's World)."
I've had co-workers ask me questions varying in degrees of vague, "You look like you're glowing!" (which, at the time I happily agreed because I thought she was talking about my naturally radiant skin), beating around the bush, "I notice you snack a lot and make lots of bathroom trips", to downright rude. I take a sick day once in awhile when I need it. Upon my return I always get asked "Did you have morning sickness?? Are you pregnant?!?"
Not only do I find that last bit extremely rude and offputting, but it's curious that these people are more obsessed with me being pregnant than my parents... let me rephrase. My mom. Like all moms she's excited about future grandchildren and will ask me from time to time about when I'm going to start. I love teasing her, sometimes I can't stop laughing when she talks about it. Other times I feel like saying something crass like, "We're practicing like bunnies right now. We should be in tip top shape when we're ready to breed like bunnies."
There are several ladies here my age who are newly married too. I actively encourage and conspire to plant the seeds (keeee!) in everyone else's minds about certain states of spermination regarding my friends. I like to spread the fun around and hey, if we're all pregnant at the same time, how fun indeed!
A friend of mine recently purchased some books on the topic of "new mommies" for someone she knows who is actually for real pregnant. It's not even about being pregnant, it's about what to expect after delivery. I've decided to skip that whole messy 9 months and go straight to parenting and borrowed the book. I have now purposely placed it at the corner of my desk in the aim of spreading new rumours... just for kicks. Watch, it won't take long at all.
I've had co-workers ask me questions varying in degrees of vague, "You look like you're glowing!" (which, at the time I happily agreed because I thought she was talking about my naturally radiant skin), beating around the bush, "I notice you snack a lot and make lots of bathroom trips", to downright rude. I take a sick day once in awhile when I need it. Upon my return I always get asked "Did you have morning sickness?? Are you pregnant?!?"
Not only do I find that last bit extremely rude and offputting, but it's curious that these people are more obsessed with me being pregnant than my parents... let me rephrase. My mom. Like all moms she's excited about future grandchildren and will ask me from time to time about when I'm going to start. I love teasing her, sometimes I can't stop laughing when she talks about it. Other times I feel like saying something crass like, "We're practicing like bunnies right now. We should be in tip top shape when we're ready to breed like bunnies."
There are several ladies here my age who are newly married too. I actively encourage and conspire to plant the seeds (keeee!) in everyone else's minds about certain states of spermination regarding my friends. I like to spread the fun around and hey, if we're all pregnant at the same time, how fun indeed!
A friend of mine recently purchased some books on the topic of "new mommies" for someone she knows who is actually for real pregnant. It's not even about being pregnant, it's about what to expect after delivery. I've decided to skip that whole messy 9 months and go straight to parenting and borrowed the book. I have now purposely placed it at the corner of my desk in the aim of spreading new rumours... just for kicks. Watch, it won't take long at all.
December 07, 2005
So You Don't Like Christmas...
We're having a "Holiday Potluck" at work instead of what it is: a Christmas potluck. Apparently, we can't risk offending people who don't believe in Christmas. I heard a rumour that we're not even allowed to say the "C" word in front of some people. That really pisses me off because that's taking away from me. If you don't care for the Christian-based holidays that's fine, but don't make me and everyone else suffer for it.
I'm tired of this country where even thinking is taboo. I'm tired of this politically correct, politically sensitive culture we now live in where we have to pander to everyone. I am tired of this watered-down blandness we impose on ourselves just to please every last person. When did Christmas, the national anthem, individuality and religion in general become so wrong? Why can I not say or do what I want without feeling like a bad person?
I notice that while the beliefs and customs of minority groups are flourishing in Canada, European beliefs and customs (Easter, Christmas, Christianity) are being quashed. This "melting pot" thing isn't working, I never thought it was a good idea. I have no problems with a multicultural society but I don't agree that we hang onto our old lives while refusing to be "Canadians" because we love our motherlands more. What the hell are you doing here if everything back home is better? Why are you putting down my country when you live here too? You're using our welfare system, our health care system, our education system and taking jobs away from someone else who might want to be here and you're complaining?? Don't give me that shit about giving your kids a better life because if things are so good back home then your logic doesn't wash. And you really think you're doing them a favour by bad mouthing Canada, not learning our customs and languages and isolating yourselves in your own little groups?
If you live here, you should be Canadian, which doesn't mean you turn your back on your people, beliefs or identity. You need to respect our customs and beliefs just as much as you expect us to respect yours. Why should we have to be whipped into submission because you don't like something that doesn't belong to you? You may not believe in or celebrate Christmas just as I don't believe in or celebrate Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Hanukkah and any other religious/cultural event, but that's OK. It's OK to have different and separate beliefs. Making us change our holidays' names so you're not offended is just petty. If I asked you to change yours, you'd be calling me a racist, hateful, uneducated, everything-that's-wrong-with-this-world idiot before I even finish talking. Right?
If you're so adamant about not celebrating Christmas, Easter or any other of our holidays then maybe you should come into work on those days and put in your 8 hours. I notice nobody ever complains about getting paid holidays. On the flip side, I shouldn't have to pay you for taking every Friday afternoon off for religious reasons. You can worship, but not at my expense as a taxpayer. If I pay you for 8 hours' work each day you should be doing your job. If you need time off, use your vacation days.
So to the people who love and celebrate Christmas, I say Merry Christmas! Lots of Yuletide joy to you and yours. To the people who don't celebrate Christmas but don't make a fuss about it, I say Happy Holidays. Hope you enjoy some extra family time. And because I'm not politically correct, to the complainers and the whiners: A MERRY FUCK YOU!
I'm tired of this country where even thinking is taboo. I'm tired of this politically correct, politically sensitive culture we now live in where we have to pander to everyone. I am tired of this watered-down blandness we impose on ourselves just to please every last person. When did Christmas, the national anthem, individuality and religion in general become so wrong? Why can I not say or do what I want without feeling like a bad person?
I notice that while the beliefs and customs of minority groups are flourishing in Canada, European beliefs and customs (Easter, Christmas, Christianity) are being quashed. This "melting pot" thing isn't working, I never thought it was a good idea. I have no problems with a multicultural society but I don't agree that we hang onto our old lives while refusing to be "Canadians" because we love our motherlands more. What the hell are you doing here if everything back home is better? Why are you putting down my country when you live here too? You're using our welfare system, our health care system, our education system and taking jobs away from someone else who might want to be here and you're complaining?? Don't give me that shit about giving your kids a better life because if things are so good back home then your logic doesn't wash. And you really think you're doing them a favour by bad mouthing Canada, not learning our customs and languages and isolating yourselves in your own little groups?
If you live here, you should be Canadian, which doesn't mean you turn your back on your people, beliefs or identity. You need to respect our customs and beliefs just as much as you expect us to respect yours. Why should we have to be whipped into submission because you don't like something that doesn't belong to you? You may not believe in or celebrate Christmas just as I don't believe in or celebrate Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Hanukkah and any other religious/cultural event, but that's OK. It's OK to have different and separate beliefs. Making us change our holidays' names so you're not offended is just petty. If I asked you to change yours, you'd be calling me a racist, hateful, uneducated, everything-that's-wrong-with-this-world idiot before I even finish talking. Right?
If you're so adamant about not celebrating Christmas, Easter or any other of our holidays then maybe you should come into work on those days and put in your 8 hours. I notice nobody ever complains about getting paid holidays. On the flip side, I shouldn't have to pay you for taking every Friday afternoon off for religious reasons. You can worship, but not at my expense as a taxpayer. If I pay you for 8 hours' work each day you should be doing your job. If you need time off, use your vacation days.
So to the people who love and celebrate Christmas, I say Merry Christmas! Lots of Yuletide joy to you and yours. To the people who don't celebrate Christmas but don't make a fuss about it, I say Happy Holidays. Hope you enjoy some extra family time. And because I'm not politically correct, to the complainers and the whiners: A MERRY FUCK YOU!
December 04, 2005
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
We went down for a hockey game between the Pens and the Calgary Flames. We got up at 6am on yesterday (Saturday) and set off. We got our dose of Timmy's... I realized we never drink so much as when we're on a road trip when we become caffeine whores. Anyway, the drive was nice. Who knew the state of Pennsylvania was so pretty? Lots of rolling hills and valleys, very unlike the boring flatness of Southern Ontario. Nothing out of the ordinary, except across the border it's deer season so we'd occasionally see hunters in fluorescent orange suits in the woods as we're zooming by. On a side note, my grandmother told me that when you're hunting you have to bring pink toilet paper. If someone sees white flapping around (like when you're wiping after a doo doo), they could assume it's the butt of a deer and take aim. Ouch. Sage advice if you ever think of going out into the bush during hunting season.
The drive took about 6 hours, maybe less. We stopped at the outlet mall in Grove City. Much to buy, nothing that really caught our eye. I liked the one in Michigan better. We did find some roadside stores that sell fireworks and Mr. Stinky almost wet his pants. We didn't buy too too much in case we get stopped at the border, but their shit is a fraction of what you pay in Ontario. I got a brick that shoots 100 crayon-sized missiles with reports for: $2.95US!!!
Pittsburgh is a nice city. The buildings were nice. Very unique architecture... although my knowledge of architecture doesn't extend past "arcs are strong". Modern buildings, archaic buildings, buildings over roads, roads through buildings, interesting stuff.
We sat in the upper bowl of the arena directly behind home net. They were actually good seats, this way we could see the Flames on offense twice. There were also a lot of Flames fans. We wore our jerseys and didn't feel out of place, the fans were friendly enough as well. A little bit of ribbing but it was in good fun. Calgary won 3-2 and we were happy.
We thought about driving home after the game but hotels are cheap down there and Mr. Stinky was tired so we stayed down. People in the next room were loud and rowdy into the early hours of the morning. We were pissed because we had wanted to get some sleep and leave early so we probably only got about 3-4 hours of sleep. I really wanted to exact some revenge in the line of fireworks and snowballs. I was even thinking of pouring water under their door and soaking their carpet. When we got up at 5am this morning, Mr. Stinky banged on their walls a few times. Dumbasses!
Lake effect really drives the snow down when she feels like it. It had snowed 1-3 inches overnight and was still going when we left. Some spots were OK, others were not; we drove in white-out conditions. AT LEAST PEOPLE KNEW HOW TO DRIVE IN IT!!! Southern Ontario has nothing on the northeastern states. Bridges were icy and driving was hazardous at times. Mr. Stinky had to be really careful and even though I could barely keep my eyes opened, I made myself stay awake to watch out for cars, deer, edge of the road...
So we made it back OK. No snow here, but 5 times the amount of salt on the ground. We drove just under 1200 km in 2 days. Not bad. We enjoyed the trip, we'll have to think about where we want to go next time. It'll have to have fireworks, though. ;0)
The drive took about 6 hours, maybe less. We stopped at the outlet mall in Grove City. Much to buy, nothing that really caught our eye. I liked the one in Michigan better. We did find some roadside stores that sell fireworks and Mr. Stinky almost wet his pants. We didn't buy too too much in case we get stopped at the border, but their shit is a fraction of what you pay in Ontario. I got a brick that shoots 100 crayon-sized missiles with reports for: $2.95US!!!
Pittsburgh is a nice city. The buildings were nice. Very unique architecture... although my knowledge of architecture doesn't extend past "arcs are strong". Modern buildings, archaic buildings, buildings over roads, roads through buildings, interesting stuff.
We sat in the upper bowl of the arena directly behind home net. They were actually good seats, this way we could see the Flames on offense twice. There were also a lot of Flames fans. We wore our jerseys and didn't feel out of place, the fans were friendly enough as well. A little bit of ribbing but it was in good fun. Calgary won 3-2 and we were happy.
We thought about driving home after the game but hotels are cheap down there and Mr. Stinky was tired so we stayed down. People in the next room were loud and rowdy into the early hours of the morning. We were pissed because we had wanted to get some sleep and leave early so we probably only got about 3-4 hours of sleep. I really wanted to exact some revenge in the line of fireworks and snowballs. I was even thinking of pouring water under their door and soaking their carpet. When we got up at 5am this morning, Mr. Stinky banged on their walls a few times. Dumbasses!
Lake effect really drives the snow down when she feels like it. It had snowed 1-3 inches overnight and was still going when we left. Some spots were OK, others were not; we drove in white-out conditions. AT LEAST PEOPLE KNEW HOW TO DRIVE IN IT!!! Southern Ontario has nothing on the northeastern states. Bridges were icy and driving was hazardous at times. Mr. Stinky had to be really careful and even though I could barely keep my eyes opened, I made myself stay awake to watch out for cars, deer, edge of the road...
So we made it back OK. No snow here, but 5 times the amount of salt on the ground. We drove just under 1200 km in 2 days. Not bad. We enjoyed the trip, we'll have to think about where we want to go next time. It'll have to have fireworks, though. ;0)
December 01, 2005
Le Sigh...
I didn't even realize that it's my PMS time, I've been relatively OK this whole week if a little blah about the weather. Today I was feeling mopey and didn't really want to do anything. It wasn't until mid-morning that I remembered that this is my week of misery and anger, which isn't much different from next week. That's the week of misery and discomfort. Come to think of it, any day or week where I go to work is generally a time of misery. Hmm.
So I will talk and carry on a conversation but there will also be periods where I'm just quiet, staring off into space and not partaking in any activities going on around me. I'm like that. My teenage years was basically one long, self-imposed silence. I could sit all day, be aware of what was going on but not say anything. I was Silent Bob before I even knew about Silent Bob. Odd, but that was how it was. I freaked out more than a few adults from my parents' church who didn't like that I wasn't the same, white-bread, happy-go-lucky and "friends with everyone" kid like the rest of the church kids.
When I'm quiet people around me find it disturbing. I guess in a world of hustle and bustle, many don't know what is or feel comfortable with silence. It's not a thing of right and wrong, it's just a thing. And you know they're thinking "is this person mad at me?", "is this person waiting for me to say something?", "seriously, did I do something wrong??"
I know. But sometimes in the moment I just don't care enough to say or do anything to rectify the situation. I feel like a lot of the time I am the centre of attention and I have to put in the extra effort to keep the conversation going, keep the jokes running. As soon as I stop, so does the talking. After a few moments of silence the discomfort level rising around me is palpable. Then I feel bad that now everyone around me's feeling down. I totally wouldn't mind if they ignored me and kept up their own conversation. Sometimes it's nice to just listen to other voices while you think. Or zone out. Or whatever. I know I do it when a friend isn't feeling talkative (and there's really nothing wrong). If I'm feeling yappy there's no stopping me, I don't even have time to pause sometimes to let others talk. I'll look at quiet friend from time to time to keep him/her in the conversation, even if just to acknowledge that he/she is there and listening but I usually won't demand participation.
I don't know what the purpose of this blog was ...maybe I just have alphabetic diarrhea? The first three letters must be PMS.
So I will talk and carry on a conversation but there will also be periods where I'm just quiet, staring off into space and not partaking in any activities going on around me. I'm like that. My teenage years was basically one long, self-imposed silence. I could sit all day, be aware of what was going on but not say anything. I was Silent Bob before I even knew about Silent Bob. Odd, but that was how it was. I freaked out more than a few adults from my parents' church who didn't like that I wasn't the same, white-bread, happy-go-lucky and "friends with everyone" kid like the rest of the church kids.
When I'm quiet people around me find it disturbing. I guess in a world of hustle and bustle, many don't know what is or feel comfortable with silence. It's not a thing of right and wrong, it's just a thing. And you know they're thinking "is this person mad at me?", "is this person waiting for me to say something?", "seriously, did I do something wrong??"
I know. But sometimes in the moment I just don't care enough to say or do anything to rectify the situation. I feel like a lot of the time I am the centre of attention and I have to put in the extra effort to keep the conversation going, keep the jokes running. As soon as I stop, so does the talking. After a few moments of silence the discomfort level rising around me is palpable. Then I feel bad that now everyone around me's feeling down. I totally wouldn't mind if they ignored me and kept up their own conversation. Sometimes it's nice to just listen to other voices while you think. Or zone out. Or whatever. I know I do it when a friend isn't feeling talkative (and there's really nothing wrong). If I'm feeling yappy there's no stopping me, I don't even have time to pause sometimes to let others talk. I'll look at quiet friend from time to time to keep him/her in the conversation, even if just to acknowledge that he/she is there and listening but I usually won't demand participation.
I don't know what the purpose of this blog was ...maybe I just have alphabetic diarrhea? The first three letters must be PMS.
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