Starburst Attack

A few fortnights ago an incident occurred which forever changed the dynamics between T-J and I. It wasn't planned and nobody was injured severely but it was gut-bustingly funny and became an instant classic. To this day when we retell the story it's a slapstick comedy reenacted in tandem coz it's always funnier that way.

I'm not a sweet snacker, I prefer to munch on salty foods instead. About the only time that I crave sweet stuff is when I'm PMSing. I don't know why. Sometimes I will even want chocolate but that's rare. I'm not a fan of chocolate as it does nothing for me. The mind just boggles. Back to the topic.

I hadn't had Starbursts in awhile so when I saw that they were on sale I bought a bag of the assorted flavours. I was enjoying them immensely at my desk and asked T-J and Shuster if they wanted to share in my bounty. Shuster came over and grabbed a few while T-J held out her hands for me to toss one over. We work about 10 feet away from each other so you'd think no problemo, yes? But if you did then there'd be no story to tell.

For the record I was planning on gently tossing it over so that it would land in her outstretched hands. Somehow the synapses grossly misfired because I winged the damned thing at her and because her hands were kind of head level guess where the Starburst went.

In the instant I let it fly my mind said "whoops!". In the half a millisecond (what would that be?) before the candy hit her, she must've seen the imminent strike because her head turned away from me and her hands morphed from catcher's mitts to shields. In the silence of the office we heard a small "tock!" and T-J's "AAAAAAOoow!!"

When the rest of that second passed we burst into laughter. My profuse apologies were drowned pitifully in the undertow of our tear filled hysteria and everytime I tried to explain my intent a fresh wave of mirth would burst forth. Why do we have boxes of kleenex on our desks? It's definitely not to combat nasal drip, unless it results from laughing. Nay, the kleenex is to aid in our recovery after such events of stupidity, especially when T-J revealed that as she shied away from the Starburst missile and yelled in reaction to being hit, a big gob of drool fell from her mouth and onto the floor. We laughed until it hurt, then we laughed some more until it got numb.

I don't even know if she ended up eating that candy. I can't remember coz all that laughing caused me to black out and forget the rest of the day. What I do know is, you can only get away with such acts of violence against your friends. If it had been anybody else and I had laughed to the brink of pissing myself, I can assure you that formal complaints would have been drawn up and issued. That would be followed by severe scolding and an indefinite ban on candy with pointy corners. And that's so not fun when that's about all we care for.