Much Ado About Poopy

Today's story comes from the washroom. There was a woman occupying one of the stalls and she went quiet as soon as I walked in. I knew what she was doing, this wasn't the first time I had encountered such activities. If I don't hear trickling, I'm fairly certain you're not peeing. I would say I was in there for about 3-4 minutes and in that span of time, said woman did nothing. Moved not a muscle, made not a squeak.

Now come on, we're all grown ups. There aren't too many things you do in the loo, being absolutely still and pretending you're not there doesn't fool me into thinking you've got a shy bladder. Everyone makes regular Number Twos, you're not so special that you're the only one who has to go. Now I know making poopy noises and smells might be embarrassing and I don't suggest you loudly trumpet and say, "Did you hear that?" but when you gotta go, you gotta go. I know why you're there, I know what you're doing and I really don't care. I'm not going to run out and tell on you, "Guess what so and so's doing in there? Eeeww!" Similarly, if we both happen to finish our business and get to the sinks at the same time I won't be a jerk about it. "Woo-wee! Dinner must've been garlicky!" It's a normal life function: I make boom boom and so do you.

Hey, maybe one of these days I'll bring in a lounge chair, a really fat book and a little clock. See how long a person is willing to sit there and "pretend" she's not doing anything. Tuh!

Actually, there was this one time I was washing my hands while another, random and silent woman was hanging out in her stall. All of a sudden I heard something akin to a puppy screaming. Seriously. Puzzled, I turned off the tap and paused to listen. Turns out she couldn't hold it any longer and was in the middle of releasing some pent-up, really loud pressure. I finished up and ran out the door. Hahaha... screaming puppies...