Williams-Sonoma

I'm grumpy, I'm achy and I'm PMSing. I also gave in to my cravings and bought a jar of peach salsa from Williams Sonoma. I paid more than what a reasonably priced jar of pureed fruit should cost but hey, it's from a posh store and it's friggin' yummy. It's best straight from the jar too.. with a spoon, knife, whatever.

In high school my cravings were pickles, but the sweet kind. When I yearned for that sweet yet tangy crunch of preserved cucumbers we all knew what would soon be happening. I suppose my tastes are more refined and sophisticated now if I'm craving fancy schmancy peach salsa but I sure hope it doesn't become the comfort food. I don't think I could afford a steady craving of this stuff.

Randomosity

I've been at SAP training these past few days and I hate it so I haven't been able to update. Instead here's a few here and there thoughts.

> SAP is one mother-effin' stupid creation, and why it's so popular is incomprehensible. SAP lovers are morons... although once I'm proficient at it I'm sure I'll be just another SAP moron.

> It's pronounced "EN-ti-ty", not "EN-i-ty", you're driving me bananas!

> No food or drinks in the lab? For a day-long grazer, that's just torture! I bought a can of almonds and periodically went out in the hallway to eat them. Like a loser.

> Watching the guy play with his English Sheepdog made me smile. The dog was one big hairy, dirty, bouncing ball of happiness.

> You looked so snappy in your expensive, black suit... until I looked down and saw your brown belt and shoes.

> St. Lawrence Market looks so friggin' dirt, but the inside stuff is cool to look at and eat. And Future Bakery makes good butter tarts. Mmm...

> I'm moving faster in the mornings now. It doesn't take 20 minutes to get out of bed, get dressed and go downstairs anymore. Not since the sun started getting up earlier too.

> There aren't too many smiles downtown, the world is too serious. The only happy faces I see are on the dogs going out for their walks.

> Overheard that every job from which you've ever been fired was due to the boss not liking your rejecting his sexual advances. I'm thinking: a) you're not that hot (at all) and b) every job? Maybe your story needs a little tweaking coz I'm really not buying it...

> Spring is coming! The geese and ducks are pairing off. The mallards are back!

> It's almost sandal season, which means pedicure season, which I really need coz my feet are starting to look like lethal weapons... but not in the Kung-Fu: The Legend Continues kind of way.

> Saw Britney on the cover of a magazine and felt sorry for her. I've never been a fan, but damn... she's really let herself go. We need a side-by-side.
Now I don't mean she's let herself go in terms of pregnancy weight but she's just looking so white trash now. Her boobs are all hanging out but not in a sexy way, her belly's everywhere and seriously, greasy ponytail on top of her head, lighting a fresh one with tacky cut-offs? Sighh.. who will ever look at her like the sexy little pop tart she used to be?

> I need to remember the deep and important things I think about during the day so that they make it onto my random thoughts list instead of Britney Spears.

Happy Bunny Fun

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Up Yours!

This is super cool. When I win the lottery I might do this, but not before I steal a bunch of stationery. And my 21 inch LCD monitor. And my very comfy chair with the crotch stain on it, coz whoever had it before me clearly had a coffee accident all over his/her lap. And the behemoth colour laser printer my former manager ordered so that I could put it on my desk even though it would have completely crushed it due to it being about the size of a Mini Cooper. And some toner cartridges, lots of those.

Mutiny at the Cafe

P.S. If my manager is reading this, I'm just joking. I wouldn't do that.

P.P.S. If my manager isn't reading this, paperclip party at my mansion!!

Nuggets of Wisdom

As I am not the driver in the household, I see lots of things. I love ogling and rubbernecking but it's completely OK because I'm not slowing down and impeding traffic. I am the official accident-as-it-just-happened reporter and can tell Mr. Stinky what's going on without him having to take his eyes off the road for too long. The best perches, however, happen to be on streetcars and buses. From the high vantage point you can look down on all the drivers around you in privacy as most of them don't bother to look up into public transit vehicles.

While on the road I look at licence plates a lot, banners on stores advertising the latest sales, the feature movie in the minivan up ahead, roadkill, whatever and people. Oooh... I love watching people in other cars. So much goes on, I can give them my full attention!

One thing I notice is that when we are in our cars we feel protected. I don't mean because of the cages of steel around us, but we treat the inside of our cars as our homes, our private sanctuaries. We are surround by glass but somehow it doesn't always compute, it's like the door closes and "Shields up!" I have seen sooo many people picking their noses it can't just be a coincidence. Today it was a guy scraping about with his thumb, it must've been a stubborn cling-on that he needed the extra thumb power. But oh, think of the nostril! It must be hard on your nose to jam something so big up there and have it wiggling around.

There was this one time I was sitting in the streetcar, idly watching the guy in the car next to me while we were all sitting at a red light. I noticed he was a well-dressed man, suit and tie, well groomed and dignified looking. Then he reached up and stuck his finger in one nostril. Hmm... After he swished around for a bit the finger popped out and went in his mouth. Gaaaeehh!!! I think I might have banged on my window in disgust, I don't know why... maybe if he looked over I would've made a face and tried to shame him. Eating boogers?? What are you, 6?

People, we need to remember that glass is see-through! Pick your nose at home or in the washroom. Heck, duck into a corner and use a chisel if you need. Just make sure no one's around, coz sure we all do it but I don't want to see you pull anything out! And use a kleenex for Pete's sake, don't do the "pick and flick" coz you can't aim those little buggers and you don't want to be embarassed later when someone sees that hairy snot hanging on your shirt or on the professionally printed and bound reports you worked on all by yourself!

Go home, pour that glass of wine, put your feet up and give your nasal passages the time and care it deserves... away from the window. After you've cleaned house, take a deep breath and enjoy. Then toss out the boogy rag and wash your hands.

State Says...

I've been following the ongoing issue of abortion rights in the United States lately and I am disheartened. It seems there are some who oppose the law that resulted in the internationally known case of Roe vs. Wade (1973). This law states that the choice to have an abortion belongs solely to the woman, it is her constitutional right to exercise. Now it seems South Dakota has declared abortions illegal, in effect overturning the previous law, and no exceptions will be made unless the mother's life, not health is in danger. Beware, other states will follow.

Children born of rape and incest will be raised into adulthood because that is their right. They and those around them will also know how they were conceived and they will carry the stigma of being outcasts in the society. Women must now carry and give birth to these children sown by hate. The purists have spoken: you are no longer in control and life choices will be made for you by the state.

I am a pro-choice woman. I don't believe that some politician sitting in the senate knows or cares about what is best for me. I don't believe in this nanny society where we are increasingly relying on an oligarchy to protect and impose their will on us. If I have to wear a helmut while rollerblading, will they decide next that we should wear it while walking across the street or down the stairs? If I am in my childbearing years will they tell me when and where I will have a baby?

Pro-choice does not mean pro-abortion. I personally don't think it's a solution for unwanted pregnancy but it's good to know that ultimately the choice lies with me. If you're going to "do it", then you better know the risks and responsibilities involved. If a woman has sex without protection and uses abortion as her contraceptive, I might want to slap her for being so selfish and stupid but it's within her rights. If a woman who uses protection but carries some kind of genetic condition which would impair quality of life for her child, gets pregnant anyway and decides to abort it's a logical choice, it's also her choice. If a woman is the victim of rape and becomes pregnant because of it, I'd completely understand her decision to abort. Some stranger sitting on the Hill has no business interfering with my life or my decisions. My body, my choice.

When do we stop making decisions? When do we hand over our lives to the group with the loudest voices and the biggest signs so that we don't have to think anymore? If you were to live your life as the Pro-Life extremists dictate, you'd be wearing a seatbelt but not a condom. Does that make sense to you?

Canine Dreams

In once upon a time land I could afford all the stuff I fancied, like a house in the boons with a ton of acreage and all the dogs I've ever wanted. I love large and giant breeds, and would love having a doggy ranch with monsters running around. My preferred breeds are from the Mastiff group. These are solidly built dogs with heavy bones, pendant ears, short and well-muscled necks and a short muzzle. They are also magnificent droolers, not a quality many people like but I suppose if I'm out in the country I could use them to water my fields.

My favourite, Dogue de Bordeaux:
Look at the wrinkles! Look at the chest! What a beefy boy, huh? And so red. I love this dog.

At a close second is the Great Dane (like Marmaduke):
I used to work at a shelter where an elderly dane resided. He loved to be with people and was super affectionate. I've been crushed numerous times between 'Andy' and the wall because that was how he cuddled. Sometimes he'd step on your foot and not realize it even though tears are streaming down your face, he just wanted to be touching you. He was a gentle giant who would sit on your lap if he could figure out how to make himself fit.

I'm also big fans of the Irish Wolfhound, Bullmastif, Great Pyrenees, Olde English Sheepdog and English Bulldog:

Heee... look at the tongue! That pillow is going to be soaked!

Sigh... so many breeds... the Wolfhound and the Sheepdog aren't from the same group as the rest. Do you remember the Mr. Muggs readers in elementary school? Eeeee!!

We wouldn't be able to afford all these dogs if we weren't filthy, stinkin' rich because large and giant breeds tend to have health problems due to their sheer size and weight. They don't live as long as smaller dogs either so they're definitely not animals that come by cheap.

If I win the lottery and you come visit my palatial digs in the countryside I hope you're not scared of large dogs, or dogs for that matter. I might just sit on my porch to watch you figure out how to get from the car to the inside of my house without being swarmed and licked... just for hell of it. ;0)

And drool. Can't forget the drool.

My Best Friend

There are few people in life you fall in love with and never want to let go, not many you would die for or give anything to see them happy. You create relationships that endure so that at the end of time when you look back and see how much you've gone through together you're so happy you want to go back and do it all over again. I'm not at the end of my time yet (knock knock) but I'm pretty confident that I can say all this when I do get there. Among the few there is one I want to share with you, my best friend: Emma.

We met in grade 5 for Play Day. We were in different classes but put in the same group for that day of fun. Our group leader wore his pants baggy so that his boxers showed, he was ahead of his time. We found it hilarious having never seen a boy's underwear before and stood together pointing and laughing at him. This was back in the day when everyone at school knew each other. He might've been older and cooler but we were also friends and he would occasionally come over and talk to me during recess when our paths met. He let us laugh at him but after awhile he had to separate us because we got too distracting but everytime he turned his back Emma and I would run back to each other and resume the laughter.

We went through high school and university (sort of) together. We hung out all day at school and when we got home the phone would ring and the conversation would continue. We were inseparable, physically and in thought. The whole thing about finishing each other's sentences and such was totally us. Girls hated us and guys loved us. The girls hated us coz we were tomboys and thus hung out and related to guys with ease. We were two of the boys and for this we were reviled but also feared, those chicas knew we could kick their asses any day of the week if they wanted a fight. The boys loved us coz we could go out and play ball with them, we didn't prance or squeal like you see those girly girls doing. We didn't like girly girls; it was us against them.

We're not huggers but we're as close as two people could be. Nothing and nobody ever got between us, although I don't even know if they tried. I'm more confrontational and blunt, she's more diplomatic and giving but she's also tough. I've seen her weather some trying times with grace and strength. I've watched as she juggled multiple flaming torches with poisonous barbs sticking out of them and surrounded by killer bees without missing a beat or complaining about the load on her shoulders. Emma is fierce.

Even thought we're both older now with our own busy lives she is still my best friend. We don't see or talk to each other as much anymore but I know that she's only as far away as my phone. I enjoy hearing about what she's up to and what she's doing next. There have been relationships, good and bad times in each of our lives and we've always been there for each other. I plan on calling her my best friend for the rest of my life... that's why they're called "best friends", right? I plan on us being there for each other, seeing each other's children, complaining about wrinkles and growing old together. She already knows all this and hasn't said anything to the contrary so I suppose that's what will be.

To Emma, you are the bitch. Here's to you, babes.

Couch Potato Kitty

Something we've discovered lately is that Iggy likes watching television. Certain programs will catch his eye, especially ones with animals and he'll sit on the floor right in front of the TV mesmerized. It's not a passing fancy either, he'll have his butt planted and just watch. We'll be watching him and it's really amusing to see him follow the action on the set coz you can see his little head moving along with the picture.

Today I was watching a bit of Top Dogs, and they had the frisbee competitions where the owner and the dog dances, and tricks are performed with the frisbee. Iggy sat and watched, occasionally getting so excited he'd squirt up closer to the TV and then carefully paw the dog or frisbee behind the glass. It was a total Simpsons moment when Homer yells "Get that cat out of the way!"

What a cute little devil.