Cattle Car Scuffle

Humans are very trainable, in that we're like cattle. Pull a mass transit car into view, open the door and we all line up pushing and snorting our way in and settle down for the ride to the slaughterhouse. Riders can be so uncivilized when they see a seat and want to, need to, have to sit in it. I've seen women shove kids aside, men barging their way through the crowd and people running and sitting on two seats so that their friend who wasn't aggresive enough and now is way at the back of the line can sit once he or she finally gets on. Our backpacks and briefcases have become weapons of mass displacement as we push and mold a little more space for ourselves amongst the crowd. Piss me off by shoving too hard and I'll jab the corner of my briefcase into your side.

This morning I was caught between a beast and a hard place. It occurred right inside the doors where the plexiglass barriers are located. My right shoulder was to the plexiglass and a big rhinoceros of a woman to my left decided she needed the one remaining seat to our right and I was in her way. Almost as if I didn't exist, she took a hard right before we had both cleared the barrier with the desired effect of either cutting me off or smooshing me into the plexiglass, thereby performing fusion with just the pressure from her girth. First of all, I didn't even see the seat so to be fair we weren't in any kind of race. Secondly, I don't like to be pushed around. Third, having to move my head from side to side just to fully capture her hefty body in my field of vision... I don't think she would've fit in the seat anyway. She might've been big enough for me to start satelliting around her body but being small has its advantages. I can squirt around in tight spots and move quicker than the average city bear. And I can hold my ground. So rhino lady got a nice, sharp shoulder to her abundant chin-slash-chest-slash-belly, enough to slow her momentum and for me to walk on by. Imagine my surprise when that empty seat appeared before my eyes, and imagine my smug smile when I realized that's what she was headed for and my butt now occupied it. Imagine her snorting and pawing at the ground in defeat. That's right bitch, go stand in the corner and sulk.

I'm usually gracious in giving up my seat if I see a parent with young kids, elderly citizens or someone who just looks beat and needs to rest up before continuing on their journey. I do not take to rude shovers and aggresive riders kindly. Cattle may jostle for space in the cattle car but somehow they seem more orderly than people. Irony.